This morning, I read a blog post about a woman who felt guilty for staying at home with her baby and being "just a mom". This confuses me every time I read or hear women talk about themselves like this. Do any of us walk around and look at our moms and say, "oh, she's JUST a mom. What does she know?" Well, maybe when were 13 years old. :)
I'm not a mom. I haven't experienced this insecurity of how society looks at me. However, it still breaks my heart that women are reduced to being "just a mom" when that is one of the hardest jobs there is!
I'm not here taking a side in the "career-working-mom" vs. the "stay-at-home-mom" debate. Each of you have that decision to make and I do believe God leads people to make the decision that is best for their family. I have friends on both sides and I admire things about all of them. Each of you are a MOM! Its an incredible blessing and you get to experience a miracle of our all mighty God like nobody else can!
What makes me sad is that women, especially in the church, have actually created a divide amongst the Body of Christ because they choose sides. Each side has a reason for what they are doing, yet instead of coming together and building each other up, they choose to hurt one another. They choose to point fingers at the other side and tell them why their choice is wrong.
Ladies, why are we doing this???
I hate that my friends who stay at home feel guilty for not having a "great" answer to "So, what do you do?" Since when did it become okay to say, "Oh, I'm just a mom". And, I also hate that my friends that work feel like people are judging how "godly" they are.
Its amazing the things I hear: "SAH mom's only wear yoga pants and don't do anything all day long except laundry and volunteer for the PTA" or "Working mom's aren't being obedient to the Lord. They leave their kids to be raised by other people. They put their selfish desires over what their children need."
These statements are completely ridiculous! Are women really that concerned that someone is wearing yoga pants??? And, if I'm ever a working mom, I will be so grateful that there are moms that serve on the PTA and making a difference in my child's school/class.
Can anyone tell me where the bible states that you MUST be a stay-at-home mom or you're not being obedient? In all my studying, I've never found that to be the case. In fact, the Proverbs 31 woman works her tail off!
I'm sure there are many complaints that I've missed, but being in a family where my mom stayed at home for the first part of my childhood and then worked the later part (8th grade-12th grade), these are some things that I hope to encourage you with:
If you are a stay-at-home-mom -
#1 - Do you really want your children to hear you say that your JUST their mom. As if there is no worth in being at home with them? Change your words so they don't think they are a burden on your life! Come up with a better answer...even if its not how you feel, let your kids know that you are proud of what you do!
#2 - Do you realize what you are saying? There are so many women that can't have children and would LOVE to be "JUST a mom."
#3 - If you feel guilty for being in yoga pants all day, get out of them! Get dressed!!! Its your choice! However, if you don't feel guilty for it (b/c to me, I'd love a few days at home in some yoga pants!), then WEAR THEM PROUDLY!
#4 - If you hate not having adult-interaction, then join a play-date group. Put your kids in a day of Mother's Day Out program. Hit the gym b/c most of them have child care. There are plenty of things that you can do to still be at home, yet have some time for yourself.
If you are a working-mom -
#1 - Be present! Don't take for granted the precious moments when you're at home. The laundry can wait, everything else can wait! I promise you when I look back on my life (and I'm sure all of you are the same way), we don't cherish the times our moms chose house work over cherishing the times she spent building a relationship with us.
#2 -I know you're doing two full-time jobs (your career and your family), so utilize creativity. I know that the laundry, dishes, etc can't wait forever, so make a game of chores around the house. Do it together as a family. Have a good attitude about it and DO IT WITH YOUR KIDS! Kids don't like feeling like your slave. Even though you are tired, make it fun. For example, have everyone take a chore one evening and when everyone has completed the task, head out for ice cream as a family.
#3 - Be strong in your career! Show your kids that you can do anything! Teach them life lessons through your job - responsibility, drive, how to keep your word, etc.
#4 - Don't feel guilty for taking a day off to be at home with your kids. You don't need to be "sick" to spend some quality time with your family. Hey - stay in your pj's all day! Watch movies! Do what they want to do!
Most importantly for both types of moms - Stop feeling guilty for where God has you!!! Its a blessing and a calling and your purpose in life. Yes, its your purpose to be a mom! If it wasn't, then you wouldn't have kids. You should each be seeking the Lord. His plan for you is greater than anything you could imagine! Your kids need to see that your identity is in Christ and not the world. That you are proud of where God has you.
My prayer is that women will start loving each other for who they are and stop letting the enemy wedge a divide. Don't let him win this battle!!! We are stronger together!!!
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2 comments:
WHOA!! This subject certainly lit a fire under you...tell us how you really feel :)..You are so right in the fact that we as women should find the common ground that we are women who have 'roles' that we fill in life. We are not defined by the 'roles', but we are encouraged to bring our best to the place we feel God has led us. It is my opinion that much of the division among work outside vs. stay at home happens because we are comparing...and anytime anyone compares themselves to another, someone always loses.
Thank you for appealing to us as a group of Christ followers...that we follow Christ first, and practice loving God and loving others.
Couldn't agree more! Probably the biggest shock I had when I became a mom was the judgement I received from those around me. I am not sure if this is true of our generation of moms or just me and my friends, but I feel much more judged by those who have kids that are having kids (i.e. grandparents) than I do from my peers. Whether it is older women in Target or older women at church or older women in our families... It makes me so sad that this older generation of moms choose to judge us instead of HELP us as new moms. Yes, we do things differently than they did, but I am quite sure they did things differently than their moms (or WANTED to)! I just think of all the verses in the Bible that tell us to encourage one another... especially older women encouraging younger women. We need their help, their time, their prayers, their wisdom, but we do not need their judgement!!!!
La, La!
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