2010 Is Here

Well the starting of a new decade and I can't think of a better way to start it than with my husband, my best friend! A new home! We actually are having a REAL winter! A fantastic wood burning stove! A new nephew (little Cannon was born December 3oth)! So many good things...so many blessings!

As I think back on the last decade, I'm glad to be leaving it behind. I learned a lot and grew a lot spiritually...but there was quite a bit of pain and heartache.

The heartache of 2000-2009:
~The struggles of professionally singing
~Having friends leave Stillwater after graduation
~Losing two close friends in the OSU Men's Basketball plane crash
~Dealing with lonliness after all my friends moved away
~Battled depression after my friends died
~Broke up with my college boyfriend after 5 years...I was devastated, but I knew that God was in control and would work His best for both of us. Dealing with the void and losing the person I talked to everyday was REALLY hard! If you've had a major break-up, you know what I mean. (Just in case you don't know the whole story, God's plan for each of us was better than what we had in mind).
~Not only did I lose my college boyfriend, but also dealt with losing his family. I LOVED them! They truly were my second family. I was so close to his mom and love her dearly! I miss her still to this day!
~Dexter (my cat) died...I remember telling Michelle that Dexter was "my constant". I was so mad at God for taking her..I just didn't understand. I still don't understand completely, but it did force me to start working on dealing with my loneliness.
~Lonliness due to being single longer than all my friends
~Struggling to find contentment with where God had me
~The loss of my grandpa and grandma
~Both of my sisters-in-law lost babies
~Michelle moved away!
~We are STILL trying to sell my house!!!!
~Watching friends struggle with their marraiges and seeing divorce for some

The Blessings of 2000-2009:
~Working for Eddie Sutton in the OSU Men's Basketball office
~Obtaining my Bachelor's Degree
~God providing friends everytime one of my best friends moved away
~Countryside
~Losing 30 lbs!!!
~I have 8 nieces and nephews!!!!
~Sustaining my relationship with Judy (my college boyfriend's mom)...she helped build skills where my mom had laid the foundation.
~I wish I could name EVERY person who changed my life during these years...God was SO gracious!
~Leaving a job at the bank (which I hated) and getting a job where I work now
~Michelle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
~A girls bible study (5 Aspects at Michelle's house)
~Prayer group (Michelle, Zanna, and Melissa)
~Arbonne (my short-time business...taught me A LOT about myself)
~RUGER!!!!!!!!!
~Buying my first home
~Serving in Crossover
~Serving in Women's Ministry and planning women's retreats
~My relationship with the Lord GREW amazingly!!! He became my best friend!
~Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" bible study changed my life!
~Relationship with my parents became stronger...they truly became some of my most favorite people to hang out with.
~I found contentment being single!!! I knew that I would rather be single (and know why I'm lonely) than be married to the wrong person (and lonely sitting in the same room with them). I also knew that I would be GREAT just serving God 100% of my time in ministry. (Now I get to serve him through my marriage).
~Attending DTS online
~Little FINLEY was born!
~I met Ken! God's most amazing blessing!!!!
~I GOT MARRIED!
~I have my own little family!

Even though the blessings ultimately outweigh the heartaches, I remember the heartaches b/c that is what grew me so much. I know God says we will have trial....but as long as I come out of the trials more like Him, then it was completely worth it! Being obedient in the hard times was completely worth it!

I know that I can't expect 2010, or the next decade, to only bring blessing and no pain....but I do pray that my relationship with the Lord continues to grow and that He becomes even more to me than He already is! I'm also thankful to see where God takes us...and our family to hopefully grow one day in this decade. I pray that Ken and I can bring up children in a godly home so they will one day choose to follow Him too!

My resolution was going to look a lot like last year's b/c they are things I really struggle with and truly desire to work on (laziness, loving others, and being healthy). However, over the last few days, I've realized something about me. I realized that I worry A LOT about the "what if's":

~ "What if our house catches on fire and we aren't home and Ruger and Lexis die?"
~ "What if I get cancer?"
~ "What if Ken dies?"
~ "What if I can't sleep b/c I'm afraid someone is going to break into my house when Ken isn't home?"
~ "What if Ruger gets attacked by a coyote or a bobcat?" (remember, we live in the country!!!)
~ "What if my parents don't get to play with MY kids like they get to play with my brothers' kids?"

All of these and more I DWELL on everytime I lay my head on my pillow! I'm tired of giving my thought-life over to my flesh...letting Satan attack me in my thought-life. Yes, all of these things are possible. BUT, why would I ever think that God wouldn't take care of me in time of need/despair/heartache??? Have I SEEN my past???? Choosing to worry about these things just shows I still struggle with trusting God with my future. He has never just left me to deal with life on my own. In fact, in His Word, He tells us that He will NEVER leave or forsake us!

So, I'm not sure if this is really a resolution, but I have chosen a passage to hold as MINE this year! A passage to memorize! A passage to live by! A passage to rely on...to point me to my God, my Savior, my Best Friend, my Father! A passage to remind me to trust Him and not fear! He is sufficient! Only He knows whats best for me! He knows me better than I know myself. He has gone before me...I can trust that He will provide, protect, never leave or forsake, LOVE me no matter what, bless me, and grow me!

Psalm 4

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness!

You have relieved me in my distress;

Have mercy on me, and hear my prayer.

How long, O you sons of men,

Will you turn my glory to shame?

How long will you love worthlessness

And seek falsehood?

But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself him who is godly;

The Lord will hear when I call to Him.

Be angry, and do not sin.

Meditate within your heart on your bed and be still.

Offer the sacrifices of righteousness,

And put your trust in the Lord.

There are many who say,

"Who will show us any good?"

Lord, lift of the light of your countenance upon us.

You have put gladness in my heart,

More than in the season that their grain and wine increased.

I will both lie down in peace, and sleep;

For You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.