5 Love Languages

Most of you might have heard of the book called "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I read this book a long time ago and its so beneficial to relationships! While it can really strengthen your marriage, understanding these different languages can really help any relationship. There is also a book for knowing your child's love language. We all have one or more and when people feed our language, we are much happier and our love tank will be full. Let's take a look at each love language.

Love Language #1: Words of Affirmation
This would be words that build a person up. Verbal compliments and words of appreciation. Encourage this person. Inspire them! Take the time to learn about the person and encourage them in the areas they are passionate about. Be kind in your words. This could also mean, keeping your "nagging" and hurtful words to yourself. You have no idea how damaging those can be to a person that seeks affirmation! This can even be a small as your tone of voice! Really watch how you talk to this person. Be humble in your approach. Don't be demanding in your words, but think about your approach before speaking.

Love Language #2: Quality Time
Giving someone your undivided attention. Not sitting on the couch watching TV, but really engaging with the person. Togetherness. Not proximity, but enjoying focused time with one another. Its not about the activity. Its about doing something together and the focus not straying to anything else going on in life. This person might view quality time as quality conversation. More than small talk; Really listening and talking back. No distractions. Sometimes this person doesn't want you to solve the problem, they just want you to listen! Here are some practical tips the book gives for quality conversation: 1. maintain eye contact. 2. don't "listen" and do something else at the same time. 3. listen for feelings 4. observe body language 5. refuse to interrupt.

Love Language #3: Receiving Gifts
A gift is something tangible that says you were thinking about this person. Its really just a symbol of the thought. It doesn't matter how big or small it is, or if it cost $500 or nothing. Its just a visual form of love. Some people with this language also look at giving of your time as a gift to them as well, especially in times of crisis.

Love Language #4: Acts of Service
Doing things for your this person that you know they'd really like you to do. You seek to please this person by serving them. This could be cooking, cleaning the toilet (or just putting the toilet seat down, or changing the toilet paper roll), laundry, getting the car washed, have the car full of gas, changing a diaper, mowing the lawn, taking the dog for a walk...the list really could go on and on! Christ gave the ultimate gift when He died for our sins. How easy are the things on the above list when we put into perspective what Christ did for every single person? We should serve all people, but the person that seeks acts of service as love, the little things can really fill their love tank.

Love Language #5: Physical Touch
Physical touch can be very powerful! Think about babies and children and how badly they need. Its also a key component to marriage. To this person, physical touch is louder than words! The way they are touched will communicate love or hate. These people yearn for their loved ones to touch them.

How to figure out yours? The book actually lists three questions:
1. "What does your spouse do or fail to do that hurts you the most deeply? The opposite of what hurts you most is probably your love language."

2. What have you most often requested of your spouse? The thing you have most often requested is likely the thing that would make you feel most loved."

3. In what way do you regularly express love to your spouse? Your method of expressing love may be an indication that that would also make you feel loved."

Do you encourage people with words and often use words to show love? Or maybe you are always touching. Do you like to do things for people to make their life easier? Do you like to give people things? Maybe you're just wanting to spend time with people. Whatever it is, its important to know and share with people. Its fun to figure out what keeps love tanks full! Why wouldn't you want to make the right expression of love toward the people in your life? Find one person this week (if you're married, I encourge you to pick your spouse) and see if you can figure out their language. If you're having trouble, try all 5. See which one they respond the most to. And, remember some of us have more than one. That's okay and gives you more opportunity to show love! Just think about how much your relationship with your spouse, parent, child or friend could change if you "spoke" their love language. Incredible!

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