Oh, For the Love of Food!

Some relationships we create. They aren’t even with people. And, most of the time, they aren’t positive relationships.

I’ve had a relationship with food for as long as I can remember. I allowed it to control my thought life and my decisions. It’s a horrible addiction b/c it’s the only one that you have to have to survive. You can’t just quit eating “cold turkey” like you can when you stop smoking or doing drugs. Food was everywhere and I loved it! I wanted as much as I could get!!! It was a vicious cycle. I had this love affair with food, but I hated being overweight. I didn’t want to give up the food, but I didn’t want to be fat either.

Food was a huge part of my life. It was entertainment. It was always there when I met with friends. It was at football and baseball games (how can you go to a sporting event and not hit the concession stand?). It was even at my elementary school when the last bell rang. I was met by my brothers’ friends who were working the concession as we all roamed the halls. The smell of popcorn enticed me, but the candy called my name. My mom was a fantastic cook (and still is), but I had no portion control and could probably eat the same amount as my brothers. I would shovel food into my mouth as fast as I could so that no one would stop me. I somehow had just enough money every day in middle school to get a package of cookies and a chocolate shake. My favorite days were when my parents let me eat at school and I could get a huge slice of pizza too. My thought life was so messed up.

As I got older, I knew that it wasn’t okay to eat as much as I was, but the addiction was set. Only if I was around people that made me feel self-conscious would eat a normal, healthy portion. Home was the worst, every single time I walked through the kitchen I would go straight to the pantry. I caught myself in college doing that and thought, “What am I doing? I just ate! I’m not even hungry!!!” I had conditioned myself to search for food no matter what. I “tried” to make healthy choices, but really I wanted what tasted good. There was one year in college that I ate at McDonald’s at least 5 times a week.

My choices with food were causing me to be over-weight, which in turn caused other issues. I remember once in middle school and high school, I hated shopping! I would come home, especially from jean shopping, lock myself in my room and proceed to berate how gross I was. I prayed that God would just allow the rapture to happen so that I wouldn’t have to live like this anymore. I thought I was disgusting. In college, I thought that no man could possibly love me and no “pretty” girl would want to be my friend. I thought if I complimented a girl on her clothing or accessories, she was throw the item away because the “fat girl” thought it was cute. I hit my heaviest when two of my friends died in a plane crash. I always thought my college boyfriend would leave me for someone more beautiful or skinny. After we broke up, I thought only skinny girls got engaged.

The relationship with food was killing me. No one thinks to talk to the “fat kids”. No one thinks about how badly they are hurting and to make a plan. The only thing adults think is, “If we say something to him/her, then she/he will develop and eating disorder.” GUESS WHAT? THEY ALREADY HAVE ONE! We stay hushed about obesity b/c it hurts feelings and b/c its not like other eating disorders that can kill you. Well, it actually can, but it takes a lot longer.

When I was about 25 years old, I knew it was time for a change. Through paying attention to why I ate and learning HOW to eat, I was able to drop a lot of the weight that I hated. The last year, I’ve really focused on breaking the stronghold with food. To remove it from my thought life and it not be something I think about the majority of the day. I’m learning to only eat when I’m hungry and realizing that food is fuel. Its been a battle, but relying on God for strength has really helped. I’m still on my journey to breaking free, but my relationship with food is about 90% less than what it was in middle school. It doesn’t define me. I no longer cry when I don’t allow myself food that isn’t healthy or that I just don’t need…I no longer feel like that’s a punishment. I’m thankful for where God has brought me! I’m thankful that I am free from food.

Our relationships with inanimate objects can be very destructive. If you struggle with food or anything else, I encourage to you believe that you can overcome it! Take the necessary steps and set goals. Seek the Lord because He alone offers a freedom no one else can. Look to a future of freedom!

Tomorrow, I will have a guest speaker who also had a relationship with food. Her story is a little different from mine and hopefully you will gain insight from her story!

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