Was I Really That Picky?

In light of our anniversary yesterday, my 4th day of relationships is going to be about finding your spouse. I was single for a long time. As I type that, I realize there are many women (and men) out there that are still single and older than I am. Its not easy. There are days that you are perfectly fine and then other days that you wonder if this is path God has for you. I looked at this two ways. #1...If I was going to be single for the rest of my life, I knew that God would provide friends and family for me for as long as I live. #2...If I did get married, I was holding out for someone who was perfect for me.

I was told by many that I was being too picky. However, I knew that God was big enough to give me exactly what I was looking for...and, if this guy didn't exsist, then I didn't want to be married. There were a few things that kept me going on my bad days...

~Loneliness - someone once told me that its better to be single and lonely (sitting on your couch by yourself) and to know why you're lonely, than it is to be married and so incredibly lonely with someone right there by your side.

~Divorce - To this day, I've never witnessed any of my friends go through a divorce (thank you, Lord!). However, some of my friends went through one before I met them. Most of them happened by the time they were 25 years of age. It breaks my heart for them. (I have to just add in here that I am so thankful for God's grace and His beauty of redemption that gives people a second chance. I'm also thankful that God always maintains His unconditional love for each of us, no matter what!). I dated some people that I tried to make myself like, but ultimately I knew that it wasn't right for me. In a few cases, there was just a bad gut-feeling about the person...which later I would find out that my gut-feeling was correct. It made me start thinking that I wanted to make sure that I was making the best choice in who I was dating. I didn't want to end up being divorced after a few years of marraige...or wind up being a single parent. (I also add here that I have the UTMOST respect for single parents. They are INCREDIBLE to me!!! They have the hardest job that I know and my friends I have do it very well! I look up to them more than they know.).

~"Perfect for me" - I had dated some great guys, but we didn't always bring out the best in each other. I wanted to find my best friend! Someone that would enjoy life with me. I didn't want to marry someone that was going to have a separate life from me. I can be single and do whatever I want. I was looking for a marraige where we compliment each other, laugh together and enjoy the same things in life.

~Obedience - My #1 reason I stayed single for so long was because I chose to be obedient to the path God had for me. Some people have told me that the only thing that I needed to look for in a husband is that he is a believer. I disagree. Sometimes being a believer just isn't enough. I know this b/c I dated believers and we weren't good for each other. Could we have gotten married? Yes. Would we have made it? Maybe. Would we have had a great marriage? Probably not...it definitely would have been much more work. I know the Bible specifies that believers are supposed to marry believers. I completely agree, but I don't think this is the only thing we should be looking for. God gives us the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). Well, if that is true then I truly believe that God put the desires in my heart for what I was looking for in my husband.

With that said, I want the infamous list! This is the list that I got a lot of jokes about and was told that I was being too picky. Please keep in mind that I started this list when I was in 7th grade. Most of it is from that age or high school. As I dated, I added a few things to the list when I realized some things I really wanted or things that I really didn't want. It humbles me to read it and see how God provided exactly what I asked for.

Qualities I Want In My Husband
~Believer
~Believes the grace message (salvation is not by works)
~Good listener
~Trustworthy and trusts me
~Sexually pure
~Gentle spirit
~Caring
~Patient
~Loves and wants kids
~Goofy and fun to be with
~Family man
~Encourages me
~Enjoys music
~People person
~Likes animals (something I never actually wrote down is that whoever I married would love Ruger as much as I do...and my husband DEFINITELY does!!!)
~My best friend
~Attractive
~Great smile
~Good father-figure
~Loves intimacy
~Dark hair and blue eyes
~Seeks the Lord
~Good businessman
~2+years older than me (I really did put this on my list when I was in 7th grade!!!)
~Makes me feel safe
~Desires to be with me
~Romantic, yet reckless
~Plays the guitar (this, he cannot do! haha!)
~Sings (He does sing and has a good voice, but thinks he doesn't)
~Likes to dance (Um..."likes" is debateable)
~Likes guns
~Forgives as Christ does
~Is able to work things out
~OSU fan (NOT OU! Sorry sooner fans...but it was a deal-breaker for me! I love y'all, but couldn't live in a house-divided!!!)
~Taller than me
~Can share his feelings
~Smart and intelligent
~Daily relationship with the Lord
~Desires to be the leader of the house
~Challenges me to grow
~Not lazy, but not a workaholic
~Initiates touching me
~Puts God first - Over everything else!
~Cares about others - compassionate
~Likes and wants to travel with me
~Very conservative (Republican. Again, I love my friends who do not believe this way, but I didn't want to live in a house that is always at odds.)
~Does not struggle with pornography
~Let's me have girlfriends and knows they are important
~Has godly guy friends that hold him accountable
~Will let me be a stay-at-home mom
~ Wants to experience life with me
~A little on the "bad" side...reckless, but not dangerous
~Will raise our kids in a godly way, teaching them to love and serve the Lord (even if I'm not there)
~Someone that I am not ashamed of who I am or who my family is
~Takes me on dates, even after we have kids (believes that quality, alone time is a priority for us)
~Divorce is not an option...willing to fight for our marraige, no matter what
~Loves me no matter what I look like or what I do
~Strong in his faith and knows what he believes
~Treats me the same no matter who we are with
~Helps me grow in my relationship with the Lord - accountability
~Loves and gets along with my family and they love him
~Someone who acts like, believes in and can share Christ
~Someone I can be myself with (sing, dance and act silly)

Was I really that picky? I knew without a shadow of a doubt that God would provide exactly what I needed. And, He did! I encourage all of you single ladies who are reading this to be picky! Its completely worth it! Allow Him to shock you!!! He will do "exceedinly abundantly above" if you will give Him time (Ephesians 3:20). He is able! And, all you married women, I encourage you to PRAY for your marraige. Protect it! Ask for God to change YOUR heart! That's where it all begins...not with your husband changing. God is so great and big! Don't under estimate what He can do!!!

***click here for a complete list of 31 days of relationships***