5 Things I Know

Here are five things I know to be true. What better day to talk about this than the 5th day of relationships. :) These 5 things can be used in all types of relationships, but the last three were on my mind a lot when I was single. However, all 5 I apply towards my marriage. My best friend, Michelle, actually did a devotional for one of my wedding showers listing these 5 things, which I love b/c now I have what we encouraged each other with in writing. My hope is that some of you can apply these to your lives no matter what you're going through.

1. "Do you really win, if he loses?"

This is a quote from Dr. Phil that I heard at a women's ministry conference that I went to with Michelle. This is actually newer to me b/c I heard it 2 months before I got engaged. It was something I could take into our relationship and definitely in to marriage. I do believe that you can use it when it comes to any intimate relationship (parent to child; adult child to parent; siblings; best friends), as well. It should really make you think about how you respond in disagreements. If you "win" or get your way, are you REALLY winning if the other person loses? Basically, is it really worth the fight? Sometimes, it is definitely worth the fight, but its always a good question to ask yourself, especially in your marriage. Its never okay for pride to take priority. Pride is a building block of a barrier that comes between the two of you. Its not worth it. Compromise is always best. Even in the circumstances that are worth more discussion than others, there is no "battle", no argument, no situation where getting your way makes you the "winner", especially if its at the cost of your husband's self-esteem. He needs your respect. Honor and uplift him when he is making decisions for you and your family, even if it isn't the decision you would have made.

2. "Its a CHOICE, not a feeling."

Love is a daily choice. Some days its easy. Some days its hard. Some days you can choose to love your spouse, parent, child, or friend even if you don't like them very much. As emotional beings, there are days we don't "feel" like doing quite a few things. We should never rely on these emotions. We should live in the TRUTH. Live in God's truth and do not rely on your feelings. Make the choice to love your spouse (or any other person) every day. In some relationships, you maybe thinking that is not hard...However, it goes further than what you might be thinking. In marriage, it means loving his family, his friends, his dog, his job, his hobbies, loving the things that are important to him. It means putting his needs before your own. He needs to be able to share his life with you. No one can love your spouse better than you can, so make sure you live out that love even the days you don't "feel" like it.

3. Pray and Wait.

I have no idea where this came from. The more I think about it, the more I believe that Michelle and I came up with it on our own. Our answer to anything that we couldn't "fix" was to just pray...and wait. God's timing is never our own. He sees the bigger picture. This is relateable to any cirucumstance in life. Pray specifically, then wait for God's answer. God will always answer. He may say "yes"; He may say "no"; Or, He may say "wait". Most of my life, I think I have been waiting. The waiting is where we grow more to be like Christ. We grow spiritually. If we go through trials and don't become more like Christ in the end, then you went through it for nothing. In the waiting and in trials, we realize the authority belongs to God! His plan is what is truly important.

4. "Don't let your blessings become burdens"

This fantastic quote comes from a long-time friend of mine from my college days, Judith. Very wise words. Far too often, we can allows God's blessings to burden us. We get tired of unloading the dishwasher or doing the laundry or cleaning the house...but don't forget that you have a house that you live in to be able to do those things. Or you have a husband (and/or kids) that you GET to do those things for. You're tired driving all over town like you're a taxi, but you have kids that you GET to do that for. You're tired of late nights studying instead of spending time with your friends, but you GET to go to school. There are many examples, but the most important thing to remember is that any blessing can become a burden if you allow it. Change you attitude. Change your mind. Let your blessings be blessings!!!

5. Find your sufficiency in Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9 "And He said to me, "My grace is suffient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most glady I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest on me.

This is key in any relationship. Christ must always be your all. When you place another in the position that only Christ should be in, then you set them up for failure. People are fallen and sinful. We all make mistakes. No one is perfect and we should ask them to be. God alone is perfect and when you fill any void with Him, it frees other people in our life to just be who they are. You get to enjoy them without without expectation. This is also freeing for you b/c you don't need any person to provide you with something. Christ should be your #1 priority. This is truly what is best in any relationship.

In regards to marriage, you should give 100% of yourself to your spouse and expect zero in return. Give, give give....love, love, love. Allow God to be God and your spouse to be who they are. Jamie Smith is a singer/songwriter. I saw her at a women's ministry conference. She was leading the praise and worship and gave a little bit of her testimony. She had recently gotten married and the inside of her ring was engraved with "WHTG". It stands for "Wonderful Husband. Terrible god." What she meant by that is that her husband is a wonderful husband, but he is a terrible god! Our spouse was never meant to be anything more than a companion, not a god.

That is what I know. Relationships are good. They are a blessing from God. Getting your way isn't important. Love is a choice. Life usually calls to pray and wait. Keep your blessings as blessings. And, remember that Christ should always be #1.

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